six steps ✙

My wife has lived with at least five different men

“Without being bound to the fulfillment of our promises, we would never be able to keep our identities; we would be condemned to wander helplessly and without direction in the darkness of each person’s lonely heart, caught in its contradictions and equivocalities.”

Peter Baehr, The Portable Hannah Arendt (New York: Penguin Classics, 2003), 181.

Similarly, Christian ethicist Lewis Smedes wrote in Christianity Today about “Controlling the Unpredictable—The Power of Promising” (January 21, 1983).

When I married my wife, I had hardly a smidgen of sense for what I was getting into with her. How could I know how much she would change over 25 years? How could I know how much I would change? My wife has lived with at least five different men since we were wed—and each of the five has been me.

The connecting link with my old self has always been the memory of the name I took on back there: “I am he who will be there with you.” When we slough off that name, lose that identity, we can hardly find ourselves again.

Quoted by Keller, Timothy (2011-11-01). The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God (p. 83-84). Penguin Group. Kindle Edition. Bold emphasis mine.